Mom Guilt - How To Stop It

Mommy guilt is one of the most common feelings mothers go through at some time. Moms will feel guilt for not being able to provide the very best for their children. This makes them see themselves as inferior at being a parent as other moms. Just remember that you are not alone. There are many other moms who go through the same thing. Here are some ways to help combat the mommy guilt before it takes over your self esteem.

Be nice to yourself – Every mom has experienced a moment, when raising their child, where something happened to them that made the mom feel like it was their fault. This is probably one of the most popular forms of mommy guilt ever. Your child falls and bruises their knee; your immediate reaction is to berate yourself as a mother.

“I’m a terrible mother,” is how it usually begins. Be kind to yourself, because you are a good mother. Things will happen with your child and no matter how hard you try to provide for the safest environment possible, things will still happen. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother.

Release the need to control everything - Remind yourself that you are not in control of everything that happens to your child. A part of growing up is learning from mistakes. The harder you try to keep them from everything bad out there, the harder they will ultimately fight you on it.

Even though you are an involved parent and see after your child, there is no way you can prevent some things from happening. Just spend that energy on being there for your child to help them through life and not try so hard to control it.

Trust yourself - You are the best person for the tough job called ‘Mommy’ to your child. Don’t second-guess yourself. When your intuition says that your child shouldn’t be doing something; then learn to trust it and stand firm. Don’t give in just because you don’t want them mad at you. Your internal leads are there for a reason.

Don’t cave in to guilt trips - Kids like to take their parents down guilt trip lane. We all want our children to have and do whatever they want, but it’s not always the safest or best thing for them. When you make a decision, stick to your guns.

Don’t allow others to influence your parental decisions - It’s typical for other parents to offer unwarranted advice. While it’s nice to receive other’s opinions on something about your child, you are ultimately the one who will need to make the decision. If you are faced with this kind of circumstance; clearly tell them that you appreciate their opinion and will keep it in mind, but don’t let them influence you too much on your decisions.

You know your child, better than anyone, so you are the one that will know what’s best for them. All parents as well as kids make mistakes, so it’s important not to let yourself doubt your mothering abilities. You’re raising your kids the best you can, so it’s time to start believing in yourself.

Surrogacy - Finding A Surrogate Mother

Once you have made the difficult decision to turn to a surrogate mother to help you have a family, it can be hard to know what to do next. You will have spent a long time considering the emotional implications on yourself and all the other people involved, but now you may be unsure about the practicalities of surrogacy.

The first thing to decide, with a medical professional, is what type of surragacy you will need. For instance, artificial insemination is an option for couples in which the woman has lost, or never had enough, egg cells.

The surrogate mother is artificially inseminated with sperm from the male partner. The child will therefore by genetically related to the surrogate mother and the male partner. In order for the intended mother to be legally recognised as a parent of the child she will have to adopt the baby once it is born.

It is highly important to sign a legal agreement with the surrogate, saying that she will give the baby to the intended parents. Sometimes, the intended parents agree to give the surrogate visitation rights – but all these details should be arranged before the birth.

Another surrogacy option available, depending on the cause of infertility, is gestational surrogacy. This technique combines the sperm and egg cells from the intended parents in the hope of creating an embryo – in the same way that IVF does. The embryo or embryos are then transferred to the surrogate womb.

Whichever method you use, the choice of surrogate mother will be a difficult, but also exciting, decision. Some couples have a surrogate in mind, such as a close friend or family member.

Such independant arrangements have the benefits of a greater level of understanding between the planned parents and the surrogate, and an oppertunity for the surrogate to stay in touch with the child. It is also considerably cheaper than going through an agency.

However, remember that you will need to stick to the same legal protocal as you would with a stranger. The contract should still be drawn up by attornies representing both parties.

The person you choose and their partner will have to undergo medical testing, and you should agree any behaivor modifications before hand. You should be prepared for your relationship with the person to change during the pregnancy and after the child is born.

A surrogacy agency is another solution. Whilst it may feel odd involving a stranger in such a personal experience, it is reassuring to know that the women involved have volenteered to help people like you, and have undergone vigorous checks.

A good agency will keep you informed through all the stages of your application. You will have to give detailed information on your medical and psychological history – but so will your potential surrogate. Experienced co-ordiators will find a surrogate whose situation is compatible with your needs.

As your nearest specialist centre may be a long way away, the internet is a good tool for preparing in advance of your application and meetings with potential candidates. Things to check out include: what the centre requires from a surrogate (in terms of health, age, previous births and psycological profile), what legal issues you need to think about and how much the whole experience will cost.

Think long and study hard to find out what is best for you, and you will have prepared yourself for a successful surrogate pregnancy.


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